So the title is a little morose, but appropriate. I live with guys. I like guys, I get along with guys, most of my friends are guys, guys are lovely. I thought I would be able to live with guys and be happy. I was wrong. For you to understand, here’s some things they do:
- They leave their beard hair on the sink, walls, floor and somehow on the ceiling.
- They go through three bottles of ketchup a week, half of which they just leave on the plates.
- They then leave their plates everywhere except in the kitchen for up to two weeks.
- They follow you around when you clearly want to be left alone, for example when you’ve just gotten out of the shower.
- They have competitions to see who can render the toilets unusable for the longest amount of time.
- They will make a stupid amount of noise, especially when you’re trying to watch something.
- They leave socks everywhere.they don’t shower for weeks at a time. no really.
I know women are renowned for whining about men, for getting stressed about silly little things, for wanting to change men. I’ve taken a different route. Revenge. So here are some of the things I intend to do to get even:
- Ask them what they’re thinking about at least ten times a day.
- Talk about periods and marriage.
- Collect every chick-flick known to man and watch them around twelve times a day.
- Occasionally burst into tears and tell them they’re ruining my life.
- Accidentally drop heavy objects on their prized possessions.
- Demand to know where they’ve been whenever they see me.
- Act betrayed and hurt.
- Write irate messages to them. About everything. Especially if it wasn’t them who did it.
- Insist on listening to the soundtrack of dirty dancing every time there’s something on television.
Either they’ll leave me alone, or smother me.