[I’m trying to post more frequently, but coming up with ideas is hard when you’re secretly a brick pretending to be a person. So, as with all of my problems, I googled for a solution. If you don’t do the same then what’s your problem? You went to school/ college and actually paid attention? Pfft. Internet first, reality later. Anyway, a lot of the suggestions I read had the same couple of ideas. So I’m going to attempt them all. This one is a list. Obviously, it says that in the title.]
“Numbered posts tend to generate more traffic. I wouldn’t write a numbered list for the sake of writing a numbered list, but if you can fit it into the context of your blog, then go for it.” - 101 Books
That kind of undermines and supports what I am doing with this Generic Blog Post Ideas thing? I already wrote all this now, so I’m carrying on. Yeah. Deal with it, person/bot who keeps trying to advertise boots in my comments.
If you’re a frequenter - or connoisseur if you will - of my blog, which I can almost guarantee you are not, you’ll know I am incredibly bad in social situations. If you know me in real life, I’m sorry. I am socially inept. By ‘socially inept’ I mean I am shy, anxious, skittish, almost silent the majority of the time and if I have to talk it will come out as something really stupid or boring when I’m faced with new social situations… or just people. Or at least that’s how I feel. Which is why I write about colossal squids and where I got my first period on the Internet.
I’m not as bad as I used to be; I’m able to speak loudly enough so that cashiers and waiters can actually hear me. Next step: my family.
I hated being shy for the first eighteen years of my life, but I realised that it’s just a trait that I’ve developed. It’s one of my internalised beliefs: I am shy in new social situations. I’m trying to change that but it’s a slow process.
I’ve been thinking about the positive aspects of being shy as a lot of the time it can feel like a huge burden. Being shy often comes with a lot of negative connotations and stigmas: you’re incapable of any sort of social interaction, you’re sad, you’re scared, we’re weaker than our louder counterparts. I may have looked too deeply into it but that’s what happens when you’re constantly told you need to change. So these are the ten (well, it’s eleven really) aspects of being shy that I’m beginning to regard as talents that shy people acquire. We have a particular set of skills and we’re going to stay reeeeal quiet about them.
10 Reasons Why Being Shy Is Okay
1. We’re listeners. Like bats. We are all Batman. Why not.
I’ve spent about 87% of all the conversations I’ve ever been involved in just listening. Where someone else may find it incredibly difficult to simply listen to someone as they are just waiting for their turn to talk, we are great at it. In a way I think this allows us to create more meaningful connections with people as we partake in conversations a little more generously and intimately.
2. People might think you’re actually mysterious and interesting.
Which you might be, however I’m not. But I’d rather people think that I’m interesting instead of just quietly anxious. In my first year of university - by university I mean a greenhouse I paid money to use computers in - this guy was listing all the things he’d picked up on about the people in our class. He spent a while telling each person we were with what he thought of them and they usually said he was right. He got to me and stared at me for a bit and said something along the lines of “I can’t figure out anything about you though Sibby, you’re very mysterious”. Everyone else agreed with him and it was a bit surreal. Someone had confused my quiet, vulnerable, dullness for something interesting. In this society, not displaying all of your life to people makes you something of an enigma. And I am just fine with that. The more people who think I may be a secret agent the better. Which would actually make me a really bad secret agent. Dammit.
3. It makes you more approachable… Or makes people stay away from you.
I experience the latter more, as I apparently have a bitchy, intimidating resting face and I’m just generally not a very approachable person according to some people. But if you’re into human contact and you look like a nice person, you’re going to seem a lot more friendly, reserved and calm. You’re also more likely to attract people who are similar. Or maybe it’s because you appear more submissive and so they assume you won’t challenge them in any way… huh.
4. People always seem really surprised and intrigued when you tell them anything about yourself.
Maybe it’s because they figured I went home and just laid in a box of silence until a new day dawned but whenever I tell people anything about myself they always seem really interested. I tell someone I do something and they just seem so overly surprised? I think some people are genuinely interested during conversations with shyer people as we’re a lot more contained. It’s not that we’re particularly secretive in our shyness, it’s just that fewer people are likely to know a lot about us straight away, or in general. I’m not about to jump on a table swinging a bike chain around my head listing off facts about myself, I’ve got to feel comfortable before I tell you anything. And so for others to get through that is a tiny accomplishment I think.
5. We have to overcome social and mental barriers from an early age.
As I come out of my shell a little, I notice I can hold a steady, constructive conversation when I need to where other people who have always been outgoing just sort of spew words. I feel I take a lot from positive social interactions and don’t take them for granted. Also, when people tell you you have to be louder all the time you become stronger, more empathetic and more accepting of yourself. Or you internalise it and form a complex about being different. You feel insignificant and believe that your very personality is fundamentally wrong and needs to change because you don’t fit into society properly.
Don’t. Tell. Quiet. People. They. Need. To. Be. Louder.
We don’t. Let us be. Let us do it at our own pace. We’re not weak because we’re quiet, we’re just a little meek in a society that rewards the socially aggressive.
6. Our quiet natures are actually regarded as more desirable qualities in loads of places.
Japan, Finland, Austria… There were a lot of places but they’re countries where silence is revered because it is encouraged. By law. I’ll write another number six.
6.2. We’re better at picking up on stuff.
Because I spend a lot of conversations listening and observing I think I’m pretty good at working out the intricacies of another being’s body language and social habits. There is no way that I can make that not sound creepy. It is creepy. I’m a creep.
7. You’re not one of those arrogant dicks that’s always being cruel to shy people.
You know those people. Don’t be one of them. They are awful. You are brilliant, unique and wonderful as long as you’re not one of them. You can learn and practise basic conversational skills and anxiety managing techniques if you need to, but those people will always be a fistful of assholes.
8. Saying ‘stupid’ things becomes more okay.
I’m fairly confident at this point that I have said twenty-four ‘stupid’ things to every one ‘normal’ thing I’ve ever said. You just get to a point where you don’t care anymore, or you care less. If something a bit strange comes out of your mouth then you begin to accept it’s not the end of the world. No one backhanded you or walked away or had you ostracised from your society. It’s fine. Usually the judgement is internal not external. If someone has responded negatively to something you’ve said out of anxiety then they’re not worth talking to.
9. There are loads of other ways to get your opinions and ideas across if you’re uncomfortable doing it in a social setting.
Take this blog for example. In public I am quiet and reserved, so it may seem a little strange that I write some of the things I write. I get weird and uncomfortable around strangers or people I don’t know that well so it’s difficult for me to just be relaxed and completely myself straight away. Or for months. I still think the same and have this same personality when I’m with people; it’s the thought of publicly speaking that worries me, not my ideas. So I write a lot and then I share some of it on here. Plus then it reaches more people and comes from a slightly more sensitive, genuine place. You can always do the same if you’re comfortable with it.
10. We shouldn’t feel bad about being shy anyway.
Growing up I felt that being shy made me inferior to my peers who would be making friends easier, doing presentations without wanting to vomit, asking for help instead of struggling through it solo. But that’s deeply unhealthy. People are people. Some people are loud. Some people are quiet. Some people are really tall and some people are really tiny. We’re all different and we should never be placed on different levels of capability based on whether we are shy or outgoing. We are entirely capable, and as we grow we can always try to add speaking confidently in public to our list of skills.
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