Gotta be honest: haven’t been outside that much this month. There was Stranger’s-Engagement-Party night, Mint Ice Cream Day, The Night of the Return of the Wine, and A High School Reunion. I think that’s it? That’s worrying. There is a reason though. Other than my general reluctance to do anything that isn’t Netflix or games or food related. I also took a lot of pictures of the sky, I think I’m preparing myself for not seeing the sun for another eight months.
So, the high school reunion was interesting. We only left five years ago, and that’s forgetting sixth form; which I often do as I can’t think about the amount philosophy essays I had to do without feeling like I’m having an aneurism. It’s not that I didn’t like people I went to high school with, it’s more that you’re kind of all shoved together and how can you tell if you genuinely like another individual based off that? Also, my remembering-self is pretty convinced that high school was a shitty experience.
I haven’t really written anything about my life over the last three months on the internet because it’s personal. My brain is a bit glitchy, which is also something I don’t like to share because I don’t need anymore reasons for people to think I’m weird, and it caused my life to go tits up for while. How can I say this in the nicest possible way so I don’t bring you guys down… I had a massive case of reality dissociation for about five weeks and I’ve been trying to deal with the consequences. Except for the times when I’ve felt nothing but heaviness and exhaustion, I’ve had a constant ache in my weird-physical-emotion-ribcage-cavity-place for about two months. I really hope other people know what I mean when I say stuff like that. I could say heart I guess, but that’s stupid because the heart is a muscle organ thing, and muscle organ things don’t feel sadness. Invisible-miniature-arc-reactor-esque-thing-of-feels does. Anyway, it’s been hard and I’ve been struggling because sometimes I catch feels and I’m actually not a robot. Yet. I’m also trying to get through Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Battlestar Galactica and Breaking Bad all at the same time for some reason. It’s been very stressful.
But I do have good news. I got a trial to be a freelance short post writer for Lifehack.org so I get to spend my days writing, reading positive life blogs and drinking coffee in my pyjamas, which is literally the only reason I did my degree. So that’s made things far better and it actually feels a little bit like the universe is trying to help me, I guess? See, this is what reading five articles about buddhism and sitting on r/lifeprotips every day will do to you. The universe is my friiieeend. Although everything else is still a little bit shit, I’m pretty happy about that.
But because everything else is still in disarray I’ve decided to run away for a bit next week. I’m actually really looking forward to it. I might actually get some ideas of what to write about on here. I’m sure someone will annoy me at some point and then I can whack another 1000 word piece out about how much I dislike them and in turn, every human being ever. The fact I now get paid to write about helping people is so ironic you have no idea.
Sorry this post is so whiny.
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