It’s almost Autumn; which means I don’t have to tan my legs or see guys’ arm pits in those stupidly cut, homoerotic vest things some of them insist on wearing anymore. These are a couple of the things that make Autumn better than Summer, so I don’t understand why people keep whining about Summer (all three days of it) being over as though if there’s enough protesting on Facebook we can shift the seasons or travel back in time, which clearly won’t be an available app until at least 2026. Anyway, to aid the grieving process of not being warm outside for ten months again here are some more reasons Autumn is alright: Excuses
Sorry, I can’t come see your band play a fifty minute set to six people in that pub where the regulars will attempt to throw coasters at your face, I have a really bad cold. It’s far too freezing to put effort in which is why I’ve turned up to your birthday night out in my pajamas. I’m snowed in. Yes, it’s snowing here. Well half a mile is quite a big gap for the weather to change in you know.
Aesthetically pleasing.
Leaves are pretty. The end.
Strange in Summer equals alright in Autumn.
Drinking seven cups of hot chocolate in a row. Never leaving the house and declining plans because of the weather. Being inexplicably pale. Wearing clothes that don’t show 70% of your flesh, yes I’m talking to you this generation of fifteen year olds who think braletts are okay with leggings just because they have a picture of the galaxy on them. It’s okay to be filled with cynicism and a general dislike of everything.
I’m only being cranky and imagining pushing you in front of a bus because I’m cold and I haven’t seen the sun in 143 days. Honest. And I hate your face. Also, this can help you decipher which people get overly excited about Christmas early and so which people to avoid during winter. Or forever. Food.
Salad and Evian can go die in a hole; it’s cookies and latte time. Weather consistency and so no disappointment.
Spoiler; it’s going to be cold. All the time. Which means layers! Yaaay! New seasons in ‘merica.
2 Broke Girls, HIMYM, New Girl, Raising Hope, South Park, 30 Rock, BBT, The Simpsons, American Horror Story, GG, Whitney. And The Walking Dead, but after last season I don’t think I can watch a show about zombies not feature any zombies for three weeks again. The children are back where they belong.
Every day over the last three months I have seen a child on a scooter screaming at his other scooter-riding friend as they scoot and scream their way down the street. Are they given scooters at birth now or something? I was on the brink of wearing shin guards for when they come around corners making gun noises and don’t look where they’re going because they are children, and stupid. I got punched by an eight year old the other day because they stole Ben’s little brother’s basketball and I asked for it back. But now they have gone back to school, and I get to go get my lunch without having to use my mum voice on a child I’ve never met before. Books and tea and blankets and fires.
Because I’d like to live in a John Lewis advert.
Here are some unnecessarily instagrammed photos of my life in the last week of Summer:
