I’m about to spend a long time in the hairdressers so I thought I’d write a post. I currently have the most static-y gown on in the history of time, what looks like a garbage bag and a massive piece of tissue. I look like an artists representation of bin men. I’m getting my hair dip-dyed which is apparently two thousand times more complicated than building a rocket judging by the faff here.
My hairdresser is lovely and having a debate with my most favourite woman I have ever seen in my entire life. She’s from Wella and she’s here to look after and guide the other, younger hairdressers. She’s German, she even has the thick braid things in her hair and she’s quite big. She’s like a Disney character.
They both just came over after disappearing for twenty minutes and started running their hands through my hair saying things like “smudger” and “dontwantitdarkernoonotdarker”. And now they’ve disappeared to have a “debate”. I’ve never had my hair bleached before. I’ve dyed it a lot - as in I’m surprised I sill have hair - but never bleached it. I just never saw myself as a blonde. I’ve always been brunette (and a little bit ginger) because I like being told I look like Lara Croft. Which I don’t but I can’t be picky with compliments, speaking of which, a drag queen stopped me the other day and said “you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen… You are a girl aren’t you?” So that was my big back handed compliment of the week.
One hour later.
MY SCALP IS ON FIRE. I must be so flammable right now. Robyn decided to dye my roots… Although I have no idea what colour. I need to pay more attention to what I’m going to look like. Apparently my hairs going to be a pinky blond since I have so much red dye in the lengths and I don’t have “VIRGIN HAAAIR”. Robyn is also Australian or something and I keep mimicking her accent.
Err, what else do I have to talk about? I went to The Gadget Show Live last Saturday and it was incredible. I love games and tech and all that stuff (except Titan the huge robot, I did not like him) so I really liked it. Ben and I got up at 4am and Alex came and got us at about 5am. We didn’t get home until 1am and I was dying but it was worth it. I’ll include some photos in my April photo diary.
I’ve also spent a lot more time with my friends April (nice segway) and Rosy recently because so help me I WILL HAVE FEMALE FRIENDS. I had a bad best-friend-break-up a couple of years ago - which I have never mentioned once on the internet in two years might I add, that deserves a medal and a maturity level high score - but I’m ready to have female friends again as not all of them are borderline sociopaths.
My hairdresser has been gone for about half an hour now? I can see my hair going blonde. If its orange or really yellow I’m going to cry. Although she did warn me it most definitely would be at some point. We also discussed how shit those box dip dye kit things are: so I’m glad I decided against using one of those. I’d rather pay £100 and not look like I burned the ends of my hair. When I say “I’d rather pay” I mean my Nan would rather pay as I saw her a couple of months ago and she said she’d pay for me to get my hair done, which was both lovely and incredibly damaging to my self esteem.
German nanny/ madam of the hairdressers just came and said my hair looks good. It most definitely doesn’t, the top is stuck to my head with dye and the ends are covered in what looks like custard. My hair literally looks like one of those gross caramel yogurts but upside down. She accidentally got it on my fringe and so just slaked the ends of my fringe in bleach. But that’ll be mostly trimmed off anyway I assume. Hair is so complicated and boring and fascinating.
30 minutes later
One of the hairdressers got in trouble. Awkward. Can I have my hair rinsed yet? I look like predator with my hair back like this.
I have a really big head. I’ve always known I’ve had a big, square face but it looks like and has the proportions of a Lego man’s. This is what happens when you spend an hour and forty minutes in front of a mirror. Eyebrows are alright at the minute though.
Ten more minutes then I can get my hair rinsed. Yaaaaay. She keeps saying its not going really blonde but I think it is? Maybe she means like, white. I don’t want it white though so that’s alright.
I have no idea what I’m talking about, the fumes are burning my eyes and I think I might have had a bit too much Calvonia. I keep getting worried I end up with early 2000s hair, d’you know when it’s dark with blonde highlights? Much better to go with hair that was popular two years ago. I don’t think I have ever thought about hair this much in my whole life. If you’re still reading this then the secret word is “sanguine”.
I’ve now been in here four hours.
What is life like outside? I was in a black gown but now I am in a brown gown. What does that mean? Why are they so unnecessarily intimate when they wash your hair?
Five hours in.
Hair? Hair hair hair. Hair. HAIR. Hahahahaha.
Five and a bit hours.
It’s finally finished. I really like it:
I also got freebies. Time to go re-intergrate into society. God help me.
