Hello my fellow ladies! So, I went shopping the other day to buy a new razor head for my Venus Lady-Razor-For-Delicate-Lady-Legs which ended up costing me just over £10. My brother was with me at the time and so I thought I’d check out how much it would be for him to buy a new razor head for his Gillette Manly-Face-Tool. It was just £7. This may not seem like a huge difference but it got me thinking: why am I paying £3 more for what is fundamentally the same product? The answer is simple, it’s because I have a vagina.
I am all too aware of gender marketing and already shop accordingly: I don’t ever eat Yorkie Bars and would never buy Lynx instead of Dove because that’s madness, but how can I improve my lady life more with lady products marketed at me as a lady? Here’s how!
Beauty & Health Just For Ladies!
We all know that for lady-folk health and beauty are synonymous, and that there is a huge amount of pressure bearing down on us ladies to be beautiful. Two of these huge pressures are our boobs! Since you can’t detach them and they’re more important than the sun, make sure that your breasts and self-esteem stay up with the Kush Breast Support device. That’s right: a boob separator because you need your boobs to stay separated in the nighttime and your lingerie sleepwear does not always do this for you.
Now let’s move up to the second most important part of your anatomy: your face! Have you got wrinkles? Bitchy resting face syndrome? Why not test out the Anti Wrinkle Face Belt!
You may look like the the lovechild of Bane and Hannibal Lecter for a little while but it’ll be worth it when you finally remove the gear and look like the twelve-year-old Asian girl you were meant to be. It’s also the easiest way to slim your face down if your head just looks too full of bones.
Food Just For Ladies!
I’ve never tried jerky but if I ever have a craving to eat strips of dried meat I now know which brand I should hunt for in stores - Bombshell Jerky! The best thing about this jerky - other than the fact it’s women approved food which means we can eat without guilt - is that there’s four different types to choose from! I’d probably choose the classic style jerky because “they’re easy to tuck away in a handbag, and they’re low calorie!” Hurrah!
Of course I’m going to need some drinks to wash down that dry, meaty lady jerky. Thankfully, there’s Chick Beer which came to it’s creator in a dream, like Twilight did to that lady writer who hates ladies! And if you don’t like beer because your palette is simply too fragile, there’s always Sassy Bitch Wine!
Tech Just For Ladies!
As a largely Internet-based person, I have to admit that I use a standard 11″ Macbook Pro because I’m like one of the guys. However, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by all of this mind-blowing, tech-y nonsense you can invest in the Eurostar’s ePad Femme. The ePad Femme is conveniently preloaded with apps to help you get on with all your womanly hobbies, including grocery shopping, cooking and dieting!
Alas, if you ever feel like you want to write your grocery list down on paper, there’s also the BIC Pen Collection: For Her, which will also be handy for circling bits of maps and instruction manuals that you don’t understand!
I know what you’re thinking: I haven’t mentioned cars yet! This is the 21st Century after all, how’s a gal supposed to get around? Never fear, you may already own a normal man’s car, but why not kick it up a notch and buy the Honda Fit She which comes with !!!!!!anti-wrinkle air conditioning!!!!!! If you wear your Anti-Wrinkle Face Belt whilst in the Honda Fit She you’ll have a face as smooth as science and society intended.
Weaponry Just For Ladies!
Last but certainly not least, you’re not a badass woman trope until you possess the ability to shoot other people in the face! And - yeah you’ve guessed it - there’s lady weaponry for ladies available in all shapes and sizes right now! (But not in different colours, they’re all pink).
Pink guns, pink mace and pink mace shaped like guns are all the rage! All you need now is this pink bullet proof vest and a pink tank and you can achieve anything!
