Christmas is that time of the year that exists mostly just so you can accumulate a sustainable amount of socks and bathing equipment for the following year. Even though I know it’s an annual thing it always creeps up on me, demanding I purchase gifts for friends and family who it turns out I know nothing about at all. Suddenly, I’m frantically writing lists of people I’ve known for years panicking because I don’t know who they are, what they do and what they like. They become faceless blobs with no obvious hobbies, qualities or quirks and the bane of my existence. But this year I was prepared, because making general typecasts of those faceless blobs makes everything easier. So, this is my guide to the six types of people you may have to buy gifts for this Christmas, in case you are surrounded by stereotypes as well.
“Music is my whole life” - The Musician.
As nice as this person may be, 80% of the conversations they initiate are about music, they may even be in a band; if you’re really lucky they’re in a band and they play keyboard. The majority of their friends will probably buy them something to do with music, possibly because they know very little else about his personality and varying other hobbies. If there are any. A lot of musical equipment is expensive, of course if you have £202 to spend on a Fender Greta Amp go right ahead; it has just that right amount of retro about it and you can also plug iPods into it. In fact, come be my friend? If you are looking for something a little less extravagant, the Rotosound Guitar and Bass String Cleaner - from £12.99 is pretty nifty. Unlike the use of the phrase “pretty nifty”. You can always purchase various picks/ strings/ drum sticks/ other music related gizmos for this individual and package them all together with a pamphlet for a real job. Bah humbug.
“I was Christmas shopping once, but then I took an arrow to the knee” - The Gamer.
Sometimes, we are forced to leave the virtual world and play in reality. Reality requires us to buy gifts for friends and family once a year and is the worst quest ever. Although, when you lose whoever you’re shopping with amongst a crowd of shoppers in Tesco it is fun to shout “SNAAAKE!” until someone comes and finds you rocking back and forth in the milk aisle. Of course, you can go for the vouchers such as PSN, XBLA, Steam and Nintendo eShop. Maybe a time machine, so they can fast travel to March and they can go pick up Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance and play that until Bioshock Infinite and Tomb Raider are released because time is moving far too slowly on it’s own. If you have no idea what to buy them because you have a social life and good priorities (read: you don’t have time to pretend you’re an Italian Plumber or your Sims family kept setting themselves on fire) then Gamespot.co.uk has a holiday gift guide where you can choose the perfect game depending upon which gaming platform they use, genre and general ratings. Red Bubble also has an amazing range of t-shirts to choose from, however if you are a good human being thinkgeek.com has Portal Gun Replicas for just, urm, £117. That’s around 9000 Pokedollars.
“Have you tried turning it off and on again?” - The Techy
You know, Ubuntu: good. Vista: bad, them people. Red5 has IcePhones - it looks like one of those old gadgets known as ‘telephones’ that your Nan might have in her living room next to something else called a ‘notepad’ - you can’t type on those things, mental - and you can put an iPhone in it for only £29.99. They also stock remote control cushions (£19.99) and 3 in 1 LED Touch Pens (£4.95). Pen rave anyone?
“______ Posted On Facebook: WHO’S OUT TONIGHT?!?”- The One Who’s Always Going Out.
Where do these people get their energy/ friends/ money from? Guaranteed this one is going to be stuck in a combination of drunk and hungover throughout the majority of the holiday season. So if you think about it you don’t necessarily need to get them a great gift - preferably one they can’t smash - but then if you do they might invite you out one time. Dreams do come true. Thegiftinsider.com has a range of applicable gifts ranging from Magnetic Bottle Openers (£12.97) to a Beer Pouch Sweater (£18) which just sounds glorious and Emergency Clown Nose kits (£3). OR A HORSE HEAD MASK (£12).
“Everything is better with sparkles” - The Girly Girl.
I, err, I don’t know what girly girls say but I recall one of my friends saying this and her room is pink so I assume that’s the typical habitat of a girly girl. Etsy has some incredible and unique items that are perfect such as embellished phone cases and jewellery. Disaster Designs is a personal favourite of mine; they sell everything from tea cups (usually around £10) to iPad cases (approx. £15) available in various designs.
[In unison] “We are happy for you to be here, would you like a cup of tea?” - The Couple.
And then one quietly whispers “save me” as they are dragged away. No, they’re cute. Plus, you can get away with only getting them one thing. Score. Find-me-a-gift.com has an abundance of gifts for your friends who are in a relationship closer than the participants of The Human Centipede were; The Double Slanket (£34.99), Personalised Couple’s Calendars (£14.99)… A Personalised Couple’s Pebble (£9.99)?
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