Whether intentionally, ‘ironically’, mistakenly or mostly idiotically, during my misguided teen years I have succumb to many subcultures. what’s worse is i have uttered phrases along the lines of ”I don’t label myself [sigh] i’m complicated” and written them on myspace so often it makes me want to go back in time and bitch slap the teenage arrogance right out of me.However, whilst I was wallowing in self pity or back combing my hair, I missed a couple ‘how to build time machines’ lectures so I’m stuck writing this instead. If you were a teenager between 2000 and 2010 chances are you took one of three routes: you didn’t give a shit and looked like a reasonably normal person, you went right to jjb sports and bought every pair of tracksuit bottoms available, later adding ugg boots. I took the other route, the social outcast/’nerd’ who didn’t conform. Which is why I looked like half the people I knew.
Goth
When I was about thirteen I heard my first evanescence track. Whether it was the fact it wasn’t my mum’s George Michael greatest hits CD being forced upon me, or some woman was chucking herself off buildings only for it all to just be a dream irritated me so much, I became very angsty. I went to download festival, I bought a £90 floor length back corset coat that I wore all of about once, and began applying my ever lasting racoon eyes with £0.69 eye liner. Oh, and I looked miserable all the time. It was really boring actually.
Emo
MCR and P!@td appeared when I was about fourteen and I was flabbergasted at how they portrayed my tormented teenage soul (despite the fact they all looked thirty). I wasn’t allowed to dye my hair black, but by the might of Patrick Stump everything I owned was. Everywhere I went people were always asking “why are you so damn sad?” to which I replied “I am misunderstood, nobody gets me, I painted my finger nails so they were as dark as my soul, if I wasn’t hollow waaaaaaah add me on myspace.” I was deep dude, i would have written poetry, but I couldn’t see the paper through tears.
Skater
I’ve had a skateboard since I was about seven, and some how acquired a pokemon one from somewhere. At fifteen, I stood on a skateboard with my three-quarter cut jeans with attached braces, fell off and that was the end of that.
Scene Kid
Fortunately, I got a grip and after learning how to use my facial muscles again, I dabbled briefly in scene kid. I whipped out the red/purple/blue/green hair dye and made myself a whole range of ‘coon-tails’. How I haven’t yet gone bald I have no idea. I didn’t really put much more effort into scene and soon got bored, as I couldn’t afford any jewellery or clothing with sparkly knuckle dusters on.
Hipster
My boyfriend likes to refer to me as ‘hipster’. I believe this is because I have a tumblr and once ordered a couple of really old books off amazon. In all honesty, I have no idea what a hipster is, but they irritate me. I think they wear big fake glasses and have heard of everything, ever, since time begun. They all seem to be extremely tall and get everything paid for them by their parents. I would like to be an arrogant, know-it-all who gets money off their parents for topshop and starbucks (ironically) but i’m not.
After all the crying and the hairspray, I don’t think I have the energy or personality left to be part of a subculture other than ‘i’m in the second year of uni, i sleep all the time and eat soup a lot’. I now understand why the generation before mine never talk about the eighties and shudder at the mention of ‘perms’.
I can’t think of anything positive to finish this article off with. other than I kept the big hair and racoon eyes. because this is who i really am, gaaawwwddd.
