At some point during my critique of clothes famous people and Ke$ha wore to the VMAs, I mentioned how I had no idea what an Ariana Grande is. Apparently, she is the newest addition to the line up of ‘Disney Vs. Nickelodeon Sing-Off World Tour 2040′ which I’m sure many of us are looking forward to.

The result of attempting to merge Christina Aguilera, a tarsier and a disembodied ponytail into one sentient being, Ariana Grande recently brought out an album entitled ‘My Everything‘ which I thought I’d have a listen to.

Now, I’m going to stop being a sarcastic arsehole here for a second to say the album was actually alright. There’s no question as to whether Ariana Grande can sing or not, but I do have one question: was some of the album recorded soon after a dentist appointment? Because there were a few times when I had literally no idea what she was saying?

So, I decided to play a game called ‘What Is Ariana Grande Saying?’, it was pretty fun:

Problem ft. Iggy Azalea

“Head in a clown, got no Wayne on my shoulder.“

One Last Time

“Don’t really care if you’ve got hernia, hard. I really care, is you a cup in my arms?”

Break Free

“Like a deli.”

“Fight on your body

I came alive

it was liver

it was fatal

in my jeep it felt so right

butter woke up

EVIDENT.”

Best Mistake

“There’s no parts of Gordon The Rainbow we chase, but we hold on.

Hold on, bay.

Yaaaah, Yoooo, Yeeeeh, Yooooo mm

I be saving my love for you, for you.

[b-b-best dick you ever had].”

Break Your Heart Right Back (aka Bacon Heart Right Back)

“Shines like gammon, I try to sanitize

but I wanted to believe you, trust you you sell you wooden lines.

But baby your sucker so good you had me going blind.

You said it was your bus friend, I’m guessing I was at your time.”

Hands On Me

“Trampoline,

When you touch

Brushes raisin

Body bacon.

Picture me

in omega

makin’ sweet love.

Baby give it to me.

Eyes on me, dance on me tonight or else,

All our knees keep your hands on me.

‘cause I,

Got your hands, honey [x8]

Put your hands on me,

you can put your legs on me.“

Only 1

“Leather living

in a fairytale of malice and owl eyes.

Baby, who is head of English?

Let me live, you have a silence only mine.”