As of tomorrow evening I will be free of university for four months (or perhaps longer based on the quality of my work being the basis of me returning in September).
There was a five day period last week where I didn’t go outside during the day and was only taken outside because Ben said I had “crazy eyes”. It’s also my birthday on Saturday - I guess turning twenty means I can no longer get away with gloomy, black and white photos and pretend it represents my soul.
As always, I do have one thing to complain about. I have a presentation tomorrow and if you know me, which I presume you don’t as the majority of my views are probably bots from Russia, you will be aware of my crippling inability to ever present myself well to anyone never mind a group of people.
I understand it’s probably going to occur in the work environment and I have had to present multiple times throughout my education, in an attempt to prepare and improve for future presentations I will undoubtedly have to perform. It’s also crucial to present oneself in public, and know how to do so. My problem with this is that, I don’t improve. At all. I get slightly worse every time. And because I’m aware I get more inept every time I present I get even more worried about it.
So no, practising before hand doesn’t make me feel more comfortable, imagining the audience naked is more often than not horrifying and I will not get better once I get into it. Admittedly the audience is much better than in high school, but that doesn’t improve my ability to do it.
I find it extremely harsh that introverts, generally shy people or simply individuals who’s forte is definitely not presenting to a group of people no matter how large are forced to feel embarrassed and nervous to the point of nauseous. If I enjoyed presenting, I’d go and do a degree in something that required talking in front of huge groups of people. However, I want to write. If my tutors or peers want to browse my work, go fucking look at it; I have to put it all online anyway?
No one I’ve ever presented to has been genuinely interested in what I’ve done or what I’m mumbling, I’m just one of at least six other people and go through the stress for something people won’t even remember. It’s not even a case of being over dramatic and letting my shyness cripple me, some people are just not comfortable being the centre of attention, and why should people who are not particularly confident in themselves and their ability to keep a crowd interested be forced to do so?
Grumble.
